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Literature Text
woven [still] with the fading scent of home
patchouli and honey eyes
cigarettes and smiles
stiff fibres softened with anxious fingers
I am your sanctuary bound within a noose;
I am your makeshift rosary:
a bead for all the things you can't forget.
patchouli and honey eyes
cigarettes and smiles
stiff fibres softened with anxious fingers
I am your sanctuary bound within a noose;
I am your makeshift rosary:
a bead for all the things you can't forget.
Literature
Hibiscus Coast (08/04/16)
THe sea sends summer storms
Lashing on the pebbled beach
And hibiscus shiver in the sleet
Bright tendrils stalwart 'gainst
The pelting of a darkened cloud
They'll raise their tattered petals
Tomorrow to the sky
And drink of their defiance
Beneath the unclouded summer sky.
Literature
Untitled
I am lonely.
Nobody tells me in pretty.
Nobody laughs at my jokes.
Nobody talks to me morning,noon or night.
I am so empty.
It is so dark.
I cannot stand it.
Look at you.
You smile.
You laugh.
Your eyes have a wildness I cannot explain.
Look at the way you move.
So proud,so free.
I cannot take my eyes off you.
I cannot get you out of my mind.
What was that?
You looked my way?
Was that a smile?
My heart is racing.
You shouldn't be allowed to affect me.
You do.
Do I affect you?
You kiss me.
You tell me,Yes I do.
You are warmth,both emotional and tangible.
It is oh so nice to have another heart oh so close to mine.
Never let me go.
Dear God I
Literature
Untitled
The way that you walk,the way that you talk,nevermind,Ican't sleepwalk!
realization.
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Okay. This is a class assignment due next week, that I would love to have some outside feedback on.
The assignment is to write 7 lines about an object, from the perspective of that object, and concentrate more on the "thingyness" (tutor's word) than the emotive concept. Essentially, sensory words (taste, touch, smell, etc.) In preparation for it, we had to write a description, then list 2 things it wasn't, 1 thing it couldn't do, a feeling word attached to it, what it would be as a metaphor, and something it would say to us if it addressed us.
The bracketed word (still) is one I'm not sure about leaving in or taking out. So opinions on that?
Also, there's an alternate for the last line: a bead for every tie you cannot break
Which do you think works better?
Do you get any sort of sensory image from it, or is it coming too much from the emotional side?
The assignment is to write 7 lines about an object, from the perspective of that object, and concentrate more on the "thingyness" (tutor's word) than the emotive concept. Essentially, sensory words (taste, touch, smell, etc.) In preparation for it, we had to write a description, then list 2 things it wasn't, 1 thing it couldn't do, a feeling word attached to it, what it would be as a metaphor, and something it would say to us if it addressed us.
The bracketed word (still) is one I'm not sure about leaving in or taking out. So opinions on that?
Also, there's an alternate for the last line: a bead for every tie you cannot break
Which do you think works better?
Do you get any sort of sensory image from it, or is it coming too much from the emotional side?
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Comments19
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- I think it flows a little nicer without 'still'
- and I like the current ending more.
The way it is, with the 'a bead for all the things you can't forget' line just... settles better for me. I think that when I hear it, I can bring to mind all the things you've said that are relevant to this piece - all the things you can't forget, whilst when I think of tie, I can only really think of it as a singular thing.
I still love this, and you know it. It's all heartbreaky and sad, but adoring and comforting, too.
- and I like the current ending more.
The way it is, with the 'a bead for all the things you can't forget' line just... settles better for me. I think that when I hear it, I can bring to mind all the things you've said that are relevant to this piece - all the things you can't forget, whilst when I think of tie, I can only really think of it as a singular thing.
I still love this, and you know it. It's all heartbreaky and sad, but adoring and comforting, too.